48

Paint my face white

Like a ghost

Because I don't know

If I exist

Now she wants to see me

Where can I go

I've burned my homes

The only place left

Is my insides

She hates me, she doesn't want me

And I barely own them

Other people are borrowing them

and they want to keep them

I gave her my feelings and she kept them outside

4 more hours

and i have an airborne home

but i'll have to leave that too

I hate myself, i'm happy my veins are slit

everything ends up as dirt

some sooner then later

by the looks of it I'll be there soon

I thought she was different, no one sees me.

Some extra words so

So I can say more

Curse these invisible meanings

Why am I letting her win?

I can't breathe

Because I am dead.

&

Thinking inside out

waiting for trains

and airplanes

to come crashing down

so i can stay where I am

talking backwards

making words

shouting blurbs

because my tongue

has no rhythm

but everything still makes sense

and everything is still moving

I run away

to tomorrow

from today

no more sorrow

except this bouquet

which i borrowed

from the dirt

but i filled it with hurt

Keeping them inside.

keep yourself calm

you're doing it all wrong

this sacrifice you've made

you wish you never stayed

another useless verse

stolen from her purse

my ribs are hurting hard

but i will not show you my card

the shadow gets large

and the doubt is in charge

personal public show

I know that you know

why do i care

for something that's not there

I can't stand a song on repeat

But instead of changing, i'll accept defeat

I take back my haiku

which you never noticed

the rhyme scheme changes

and you're out of focus

Can't go word for word

Or become self assured

If it's you I save

I might just dig my grave

we must go, we must go

Everything you want to be

I can make you

Everywhere you want to see

I can take you

Situations get fucked up

we're just in one big mess

Situations get fucked up

Get those feelings off your chest

If this door is open

Don't mind if i slid in

if your wounds are open

can I get in your skin

they sold you out

and now you feel like shit

but everythings messed up

and theres no where that you fit

Having doubts

about playing by the rules

building a life

but you're using the wrong tools

i made a bad decision

but i hope it goes well

so stay in heaven

because i deserve hell

I made a bad decision

and now you're with him

suddenly all these

lights seem dim

The art of regurgitation

Heads or Tails

Fits you best

50 percent chance

You're like the rest

I know the cards in your hand

I know your master plan

I'm dull and dark

I'll put out the spark

I could write more words on this matter to give the impression that this is more meaningful but I have said what I have wanted to say. My tongue is mine, and if you ever try to take it away from me I will become sad, shrivel up and die.

Jester rocks

Which has been worse

It's all just a curse

The disease in your veins

It's calls out these names

Am I joyed or with spite

My decisions aren't right

The same as the usual

Problems confuse you all

The difference you can't tell

What am I trying to sell

Depression and thought

In my own webs I'm caught

Shallow words for a deep purpose

Losing the edge beneath the surface

Cut it or not the stain exists

and with that stain, ignorance unbliss

back

and forward

and back

and forward

until your mind splits in half

and then you go back

until every blood vessel is loose

then forward

when every other function has stopped

and back

to when you weren't alive.

Unecessary title number 4

Following someones footsteps

Oh now you have to be sure

So be happy that with all your anxiety

You have found a cure

Do you really want to know

the topic of choice?

Or would you rather

listen to my voice?

A day or a year

I said you'd know

But promise me

You'll keep control

I'm essentially organizing my funeral.

I know no one

but they all know me

crawling up my spine

why can't they see

this turn of events

this storm and stress

my conscious is flooded

im making a mess

your hands are free

and your in my sight

my eyeless face

your smile so tight

Together, away?

Screaming side by side

Does it even matter

When our tongues are tide?

Digging for myself

No warranty on my body

No exchanges or returns

When the body is rotting

Just for the ride

Excited with a frown

Stolen from myself

Sees her own sound

And starts the downhill

You pick up momentum

A story about you

When nobody has won

And we're running in circles

With mistakes and smiles

Never to actually catch the other

But we're both on trial

One colour

and a thousand shades

You're the queen of hearts

And I'm the ace of spades

us

I am the virus

And I kill what I can

I am the virus

Just watch what I'll do

Give me your heart

I'll break it in two

I'll tare it apart

Right in front of you

Hating the soil that built the tree.

This is what happens when you take your time

And use your focus

Nothing

So don't bother trying

Because there is no cure for this one

It's not even diagnosed

But it hits you

And unlike any other disease

It just makes everything else go away

I don't care really

I should but I don't

I know how to do it

I just won't

The floor creeks when you think

I can feel it

But this is naked

And on purpose

and although it doesn't have your favourite words

or typical meaning

It is more then what you're looking for

I don't love you

I don't like you

I don't want you

I don't need you

But you love the barrier,

More then you know.

The blood crawls up my throat

Leaves a trail of error

My stomach is sick

My hands are cold

This bus will never come

I build it up but it just falls down

I sew it in and it comes out

I'm ready now though

I didn't think I could reach my back

But low and behold the knife is there

And I'm to blame.

That's enough reading for you Jessjess.

Mistakes miss takings

I used to kiss her on the cheek

I used to hold her hand

but then I changed and got fucked up

and now im not a man

I made her cry over the phone

I made her all alone

I took the only thing she had

and she has no where to go

I know she loves me but i don't care

Or at least not until now

I threw away the best I had

Not even the rain on the windows could stop us

Reflective and objective

I'm ready to fight

for reasons i don't believe

for reasons that aren't right

Going for a walk

in the late december snow

nothing can be colder

or darker then my soul

I've hurt her so

I made her cry

now inside

i will only die

so suspicious

i've washed my dishes

but still

the dirt breeds deep

October has passed

change is chasing me

im changing

aswell as everything else

turning into things

I never thought could happen

I liked it better when they broke my heart

Should the decision be for myself?

what tears me apart

sleeps deep in my heart

between the ventricles

but undependable

upon request

I can be yours

we act so dumb

under your thumb

with our want and greed

for your attentions deed

trying to call your name

but he's just the same

he doesn't sweat it

he thinks he sees more then he feels

tasting your lips

burning up my cigarettes

saying strong words

i never want to forget

colours on your back

giving me a heart attack

when they just get further

its those feelings that i lack

and though I know you own my neck

I figure i might as well check

since you're getting on your way

and you never want to stay

because im suddenly immature

and you say there is no cure

whilst these feelings do insist

there is much more that i miss

cause I just want to see you hurt so bad

you'd make happy story end so sad

Im calling for you

Im calling for you

From the depths of the dark

I will pull out my heart