$150

Where do I go from here?

These days have trampled my smile

There is no end

I am tired of running around

Desperate for an alternative

Aside from the only obvious

I am all deserving however

And in my attempts to breathe my lungs collapse

This mess I am in

I have darkened the clouds

No light will shine through

I hear breathing down the hall

Please end

The magic word refuses to help

To be in a dark forest on a cold winter night

Trying to escape to find a familiar reality

But once you get out, you are on the wrong side

So you go back in and get lost again

Shivers and coughs are your first checkpoint

Double check your zipped layers

How horrible of a night

What a disaster

I need a medic

To bring back my life

I am failing in every direction there is

Well almost.

A ballad for guns.

The enemy has come out

A little late, on her time

She's had her eye on that weapon

She just needed you to use it on

This is her last goodbye

And then you'll choke

Your seed is not a plant

And it does not need you

Fitting molds with your life away

So desperate to escape

Why would you stay?

Go away

You say nothing, because you're not afraid

I'm busy now, because you have been played

We're running, because you're not afraid

It's busy and risky, because you have been played

I'm glad to see you all breaking down

You were laughing but now you're out of breath

Without your contents

Or your fine sense

For your control of your future.

Then why did you replace the light bulb when you knew this one would just burn out?

Put your hope in your hands

Or in your case, between your thighs

And guide your city skies

You've achieved temporary success

Now please give it a rest

You call your pain art

While you see in the dark

You left behind a small world

And now you want back in

Things got rough

And you've stained your skin

I applaud the inevitable

Why not play on it's side?

On the other hand, why bother?

If you are liked, then you are rewarded.

But despite your efforts, it will hurt you if you're in it's way.

Inevitable

Always keeping secrets

So very spoiled

Everything you want will happen

You think for no others

And this is accepted

I'd love to see you engulfed in flames.

A gesture of love and suicide.

You made a mess

Just like you always do

And I solemnly clean it

I've taken the fall

Just like I always do

So you can appreciate it

It's nothing new

My sewed lips mouth a message

And it gets to you on time

With enough time for you to ignore it

The sun won't shine

Today or tomorrow

Or that day which you hold

-

ever so close to your heart

while you run in the dark

I'm leaving this place now

I'll find my haven else where

And you know exactly how

Just as you 'exactly' don't care

I pile the boxes to the ceiling

And they all fall on me

With no surprise

I won't get up on my feet

I'm sick of this

everything I was

everything I'll be

A backfire I had not expected so soon

The eight, is now symbolic of what it was against

And soon your sky will become your ground

As you fall endlessly in directions you cannot tell

We're all alone at the end of the day.

Monthly anti-corporation time

You can take my home

You can take my pride

You can leave me with

No place to hide

You can break my bones

Mutilate my eyes

Trick me into hate

Through your own disguise

But I'll never smile for you

You can never take my face

I will hold down through

It was not me

Who stole your spine

So it won't make it right

For you to steal mine

I won't be afraid of you

Shuffled under your creaking stairs

I will evolve and destroy

Rip the truth out from your dares

Let's play a game of roulette

If you lose, you forget

~Spite

I'm just so empty

I can hear the horses running

I wish I was one of those people who makes 100,000 a year and hates every second of their life

The ripples of my actions mean nothing to me

I mean nothing to me

Everything is now nothing to me

Something went wrong

An 'accident'

And now I'm stranded

Carved out and hollow

I'll mail you my smiles

Waking up in a place I don't recognize

I'm absorbing and reflecting

I've stolen your spite

This clock won't stop ticking

I've tried everything

It uses no electricity

But myself instead

The damn glass is broken

I can't tell how much time is left in the day

My day at least

All I can hear is the ticking that is synchronized with my heart beat

It's counting

Constantly counting

She walks on clouds

In front of sunshine

Hand in hand with the sky

With the universe smiling on her

I am the cloud that breaks

The one that takes away her sunshine

Rips her hands out from the skies

Makes the universe forget about her

If only my heart would explode

I would be content at the least

Dependency is a characteristic of one who is fragile and weak

I hate what I am

I'm jealous of them

Chew out my veins

Stop all these pains

Stupid and young

My song has been sung

David Keis

I want to sink into the ground

and have my body be replaced by maggots

and the ongoing agony will become empty

like a broken glass, scattered and infinitely broken

I want to coat my throat with words of hope

that will make no difference in the endless effort

Rekindling old memories

Of frosted skin and cycled uncomfortabilities

Let the warmth of these rusted chords embrace you

and tare you apart like no other

across the storm and under the lungs

Answers and Questions go hand in hand

like lovers

which is comparable because she is the answer to my question

to pic[k] the topic was a miserable decision

however the topic picked me

and leeched my salvation

like a flower plucked of its pedals

and pollen drained

leaves torn

etcetera

The rain on the mans jacket

falling briefly between seconds

over his sewed rips and cleaned stains

and ruined his moment of waiting for the bus

She is the star that guides me home

She is a colour I can paint the sky with and not be ashamed

I fear I am hopeless and for that am digging a whole comfortable for all

I make what I am

I should become what I was supposed to be

The fear is dominant over myself and any other emotions I ever had

The chances that everything turns out okay is unlikely

Not all the nu-raggae in the world could save me

Though it is a good oppressor

I am like a pack of cigarettes

I will not last

So enjoy what you have

Before you realize you just finished the pack

I am so afraid.

Second hand suicide.

Dig up bones you've already buried

It was her that night who's tears I carried

It's either you or me

But I cannot speak

So I'll wait it out

Until you grow weak

Look at their faces

Feeling down

These pictures drawn out

To hurt some more

That's just the way it is

Everyone has broken down

Cried once before

In a dark room

that which the light struggles to breathe

I have found the adam

He is without his eve

But this is a trick he can't hide up his sleeve

A tongue without words to say says too much

That I will forever own your touch

And you can think of this as a rope on your neck

Or you can drown yourself in your disrespect

You can swear every word you've ever heard

Or just bury yourself in yourself

A cloud melts into rain, and the rain freezes into ice

Smiles are infected and I am no better

The comparison and attempt is a give away

For a quote and reference that is abstract

The honest disguise is just a way to lie to yourself

My conscious has the finest teeth

It uses them to bite and tare into me

I've never wanted to be worse then anyone

Never wanted to be better

A constant itch that started years ago

Has forgot it's innocence and lived in my home

The seed that grows out of my skull

Cracks it dull and all is flowers

Just beautiful flowers

Which you cannot judge

The most beautiful of all

The rose

You can never touch it though

The pain is instantaneous and continuous

Can you say that's stopped you before?

It is the temptation and frustration of being held back

We become explosions over night

And light the sky when the sun is empty

And the clouds burn for hours while we sit and smile

A theme is a box you cannot leave

Themeless is without direction

Is there a safe approach to this

More then likely there is not

I'm letting myself down.

O'S & X'S

And so, the story goes

uncontrolled and decomposed

I know

The lights, make so much sound

radiant smiles, and tribal vibes

"How do you get off a moving train?" she says

selling smiles in stalls

It's a race between death and patience

You either hurry up or slow down

When do you give in?

It's never too late to forget the past

I lie,

It's always too late to forget the past

Lucky me, making the decision that works best in the long run

I am personally just warming up

Stretching every inch of skin I normally spared

I am ready to run

And it appears we've fallen

However, why stop running just because you've fallen?

Yes I have a scab on my knee

The first couple days, I couldn't forget it, I had to keep scratching the scab

After that it was just an inconvenience, It wasn't bothering me as much but I kept noticing it

Now the scab is almost gone, this phase may be a bit longer, but sooner or later there will be a brand new knee, ready to bend, run, jump, whatever.

Blue and Nice

She hurt me so

But I let it go

My love for her

Lets me endure

Though scars exist

Inside the wrist

My scabs will heal

And we will feel

I meant to write more on the matter but I have become preoccupied with other useless shit :(

More lates.

X's and O's

I want to sink to the bottom of the ocean

I want to cut myself open and bleed out my emotions

No matter where I go

I can hear them laugh

Her fragile body

Within my arms reach

She lays her head on my lap

While I prepare my speech

I'm out for hours

In search of her

Despite her mistakes

I'm searching for things that were

Screaming the air from my lungs

If I accept her, will it be enough for her?

I am the best architect there is

I built my very own enemy

And it destroyed me like no other

I'm walking over others

I'm walking over everyone

But i'm the one with footprints on my back

There is no music for this chapter

Oh the hands touching

An empty face

A swollen heart

When our arms fold over eachother

And you are the eclipse to my thoughts

I tried to tell her so

But my translation was lost between my teeth

And the words came out as a picture with no one in it

Only colours that don't match

Then for this cause I am immature

Because I've diluted myself with substances unpure

To die for what I feel for

While I feel myself dying

In this storm with heavy thunder

I can't help but wonder

Where the water has seized to fall

Through the cracks that are appreciated

And the rain will sleep on my chest

While the concrete becomes home to the rest

And within the moment of flashing beauty

My breath escapes its ribbed cage

While she cuts herself and turns the page

Because there is no moment in this horrible story

That comfort can be taken in the words "I'm sorry"

Though I loved the taste when fed to me

And my selfish spine and my worthless mind created a reason

That I could go on with this and feel human

Oh the words were true

She broke me, and she got to choose

Flowers stained and rusted

In this home I call my heart

I'll never know what I wanted

And i'll never feel the same again

She said I was her lover, I wasn't even her friend

As I finely removed her devilish instrument from my vertebrae

She puts in yet another

10 cigarettes and a drop of body heat later, the third is in the front

Oh my little girl

My very special girl

Who dragged me into a world that I never thought could exist

The night before I loved her, but the night of I did not

The strings of her around me, I had finally been caught

Oh Jess my little girl, I watched you destroy my world, and you laugh at me for it.

The ones who truly care, I disregard

The one who didn't care, I show her my card

This is a puzzle that will never be complete

These are the words of a stolen boy, who has accepted his defeat.

How bizarre

I came home and my house sold itself

Now I am homeless

I seem to still be sticking around my old house though

I don't understand how it could've sold itself

I mean

It was my house

Shouldn't I have moved out first?