why do i do this to myself?

Tonight
I want to feel alive
Like the others can
I want to sell my soul
Become colourblind
I don't want to see the world
from soul filled eyes

you can't fool me
you can even fool yourself
because you can't see
you're becoming something else

I don't want to drag your opinion out of you
But if you're turned off then leave
I'm sorry if this hurts
but maybe you need to be hurt

You broke my spine

I find trying to get around every ridge in your ribs causes problems
I should go straight for the heart
because i am complete
and i still feel weak

It's hard trying to resist failure
that's all it is really
A dream
that you could be happy
doing what is wrong
that is resisting failure
how can things that understand you
be your own enemies?
it's simple
you're just a fool
you get lost in the music
it's the sweat mixed with the lights
here we go
I don't want to repeat this
but there's no denying it
the story will tell itself if i don't
all these infections i'm creating
for one stupid cure
which i have still yet to find
I guess you need to understand the disease before you can have a cure
don't take my word for it though
I have nothing
I am a man without words, but stubborn enough to argue with my tongue
which cannot taste by the way
I've sold my own thoughts for you
but the profit isn't here
or anywhere
I am poor now
and i still sell everything i get
because i need you
I don't know what to do
I hope this gets through to you
the coldness means nothing because i have it everyday
i keep it in a jar, and this jar is locked away
I'm expressing my own flaws and my consciousness of this tragedy i have yet to prevent