First off I just want you guys to know I wrote a really positive note last night but facebook fucked up and lost it. Sorry, I can't imitate the feeling of joy I had inside of myself because again I've been hit.
Now for the note I want to post, here it is.
No, it's not a competition anymore cause I already lost
Everything happends so fast before you know it you're done
I'm an angel is disguise, even in disguise from myself
Everything happends for a reason, but how does that help you define the future?
If you want to do something, how do you do it?
Will it just happen if it is supposed to happen for a reason?
Was I supposed to say this, will this effect you enough to change your life?
So many depressed teenagers, is everyone supposed to feel this way?
Why is whatever I do wrong? I don't mean this as a stupid kid who's mom got mad at him
I mean all my choices, they almost always make me end up worse than I started
And I don't learn my lesson, i'm still risking it all constantly because i'm so desperate to be happy
but what is happiness to me? I think it is a girlfriend. Sadly that is my definition of happiness.
I just need someone I guess, it's kinda sad but whoever I want I can't have.
And it's not like I'm talking about a movie star, these are real people i'm thinking of.
And they're all just...wow...it just realized...they're all better than me.
Shouldn't I get someone better than me? Wouldn't that mean they'd be saving me?
No, it doesn't work that way.
You can tell I am really depressed as of now because i usually only write notes after the day is over
but for me I just woke up, the day has just begun.
So then how will I feel by night time?
I'm sorry but I don't mean to make you guys hurt, but i guess it's contagious.
I believe that I am an Angel.
Angels are beautiful right?
But they're all cursed.
So as well as I look, I'm not.
Angels don't have freedom.
They only have one purpose.
And that is to help others
With disregard to their own problems.
I guess I just need my own Angel
If I'm going to suffer at least give me wings.
This reminds me of a line from an alkaline trio song
"Take your wings outside, you can't fly in here"
Maybe that line is for me
maybe "in here" is this world
So i just need to die
then I can fly and be an angel
Now for the note I want to post, here it is.
No, it's not a competition anymore cause I already lost
Everything happends so fast before you know it you're done
I'm an angel is disguise, even in disguise from myself
Everything happends for a reason, but how does that help you define the future?
If you want to do something, how do you do it?
Will it just happen if it is supposed to happen for a reason?
Was I supposed to say this, will this effect you enough to change your life?
So many depressed teenagers, is everyone supposed to feel this way?
Why is whatever I do wrong? I don't mean this as a stupid kid who's mom got mad at him
I mean all my choices, they almost always make me end up worse than I started
And I don't learn my lesson, i'm still risking it all constantly because i'm so desperate to be happy
but what is happiness to me? I think it is a girlfriend. Sadly that is my definition of happiness.
I just need someone I guess, it's kinda sad but whoever I want I can't have.
And it's not like I'm talking about a movie star, these are real people i'm thinking of.
And they're all just...wow...it just realized...they're all better than me.
Shouldn't I get someone better than me? Wouldn't that mean they'd be saving me?
No, it doesn't work that way.
You can tell I am really depressed as of now because i usually only write notes after the day is over
but for me I just woke up, the day has just begun.
So then how will I feel by night time?
I'm sorry but I don't mean to make you guys hurt, but i guess it's contagious.
I believe that I am an Angel.
Angels are beautiful right?
But they're all cursed.
So as well as I look, I'm not.
Angels don't have freedom.
They only have one purpose.
And that is to help others
With disregard to their own problems.
I guess I just need my own Angel
If I'm going to suffer at least give me wings.
This reminds me of a line from an alkaline trio song
"Take your wings outside, you can't fly in here"
Maybe that line is for me
maybe "in here" is this world
So i just need to die
then I can fly and be an angel
And then everything will be ok
because I won't have anymore problems
and I can still come help you guys
so everyone will win
Last night i laid in my bed
in the darkness of life and my fear
I put my hands together under my chin
and asked god to kill me before i woke up
I hurt so much, inside and out, if it weren't for my friends I would be dead.
I am here only for you guys
I wouldn't want you guys to feel pain ever
And since I'm an Angel I guess I found my purpose.
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