Planet Caravan

I'm tired and I want to go to bed

oh there's a life ahead of me, so much I can do. The things I want are the things I can't have, this is found in almost all of our lives. Why do we want what we don't need? Why do we have to feel superior to others? What's the point of it, is it for yourself, or is it really to make others feel worse? Does it matter what shirt you wear? Who's words come out of your mouth? Are they yours, or someone elses?

Why is it once I die, I am still living in one way or another, can't I just quit this? I never said I wanted to play but here I am, and there's no way out. Apparently if I die i'm still living somewhere else or as something else so what good is dying if i'm not dead?

I hope my kids aren't like this, I hope I'm as good as a father as my dad is. Sure i'm the way I am, but my dad would hold the world at gunpoint for me. My mom is the same, she loves me with her heart full. I thank god, or whatever created me, that it gave me these two individuals to raise me.

This is it, this is all i'm good at. Making it seem like every minute of my life is underwater, what talent is that? This doesn't work! This doesn't seem right, there has to be more then

birth -> school -> work -> die

It's not clicking, does this make sense to you? (whoever may be reading this) Should you live to die like so many do? The answer is quite obvious that you must find good moments and live them out to the fullest that you can. But I don't get that many good moments. Or do I, am I just a negative creep who makes nirvana references in an ironic fashion while in reality I just made the word ironic mean something less of what it should? If you're confused then don't bother, most shouldn't be confused.

I can't do it. my mind is never where it should be. My dreams are becoming my reality and my reality is becoming my dreams. Maybe I should just sleep for now on, i've almost physically accepted an answer to this question.

I found you there wearing my jacket, under the street light with the wind blowing in your face and mine. I could barely feel my soul that night, I could feel my tears freezing, as I approached you. It was early after night, no one knew we were there. Although the snow almost killed me I still brought you tulips. Your favourite right? It could've been an opportunity but by the time I arrived you were both gone and still there. I layed beside your body, and let the white sand cover both you and me. This midnights tale is the closest thing to a story of romance and happy ending.

That wasn't depressing, and I don't mean to sound lamely sarcastic like the viewers of gilmore girls. I should be preparing for my big future (which I of course won't be apart of) right now.

So until I hate my beautiful life again, I love you.

Sincerest regards,

Some suicidal fag